begot | SALTBURNT

[late night, having finally read and watched back through the more recent network sagas and realized oh shit thats my fantasy survivor buddy--]

That Angelus fucker give you any more trouble? Scuse my french.

t'inquiète.

he's back, but
i think rupert scared him off.
i hope he did, anyway.

thanks for asking.

Désolée, regardless. Ah. The good old impermanent death. Rupert seems like a good man.

[a pause, to let it settle -- the sort of man who'd approach an issue like this with integrity, honor and so on. a good man, as opposed to...]

If you -- either of you -- need more help addressing the issue, let me know. I'm good at solving problems.

he is.

[ That's the funny thing — she loves Giles for exactly the reasons Corry guesses, but she can't deny that she relishes the thought of him driving a knife through the heart of anyone who'd dare try laying a finger on her. ]

thank you. i mean it.

[ And then, a long moment later: ]

what kinds of problems?

[there have to be men like that -- corry hasn't met any in a while, but they're like wishing on stars or believing in angels or god or something. a way to balance out everything ugly and dark and wretched in the world.

he doesn't say that aloud. he doesn't give amy a direct answer, either, trusting that if she wants what he's really offering, she's smart enough to pick up on the cues.]

Problematic situations, problematic people that just won't go away. Problems you have to get creative about. That's what I do for work, when deals go sideways, or someone isn't keeping their word or things just get too messy. Go in and make the problems disappear. Seems like this place is one where being creative is a bonus.

[ It's kind of a shock — fixer, to whatever degree he means it, is the kind of job that doesn't really occur in a "normal" orbit. It's not as much of a shock as, say, being a god or a vampire, but it's — something. A wrinkle in the Corry story. ]

you're full of surprises, aren't you?
i'll take a raincheck for today, but i think it's wiser never to say never in this house.

rupert's been working on some protective charms and wards.
have you encountered any magic here, yet?
it all still feels sort of unreal, to me.

Part'a my charm, Joplin.

[and that's all he says about it, though the text about never say never gets double-tap thumbs upped, a silent noted. then he moves right along.]

A little bit, but little enough that casually mentioning it as something your boyfriend's working on is still kinda wild. Like saying "he's working on ascending to the fifth dimension and communing with the spirits there". But I've seen a bit, here and there, enough that I won't question it. Ward and charm away, wizards. Is "wizard" the right word? Sufficiently respectful? Dunno the lingo yet.

joplin? really?

but no, i don't think he technically is a wizard. i guess i'm still learning.
i think i feel mostly the same way about it. but charms are a little more approachable than ascension, at least.

i also don't know if it's the correct terminology.
isn't "sorcerer" a thing, too? or male witches? magicians? spellcasters?

Yeah, with respect to Boston Rob, of course. Plus – double meaning. middle-of-nowhere, Janice. Could change it to “Carthage”, I guess? Right. This is a completely insane conversation. I love that we’re having it and I love how calm you are, but this is COMPLETELY insane. I’m fairly sure all of those are things, which means we’re completely fucked as far as ascertaining the non-offensive term.

i'll take joplin. shame we didn't have this conversation before i left new york.

i know! the other day i had to break it to someone that we have superheroes here, and how some of them call themselves the avengers, and that felt insane, too. but she came from a world where an alien hive mind was taking over, so. if i don't stay calm i'll lose my mind.

maybe girlfriend privilege means i can ask? or maybe this is what anonymous network posts are for.

Oh, New York, damn. Way more nicknames. Unless you're from Park Avenue -- Park Avenue Amy sounds like a kid's book series. All of that is insane. It's absolutely insane. I'm gonna try and balance it out: How about them Knicks? We needed this rain. I'm getting really into sourdough. Have you seen Breaking Bad? If girlfriend privilege doesn't mean you can get magic terminology clarification, I'm never falling in love.

okay, you have to promise not to laugh, but there is actually a kid's book series about me.

ooh, nicely played.
1. how about them knicks? how about that jeremy lin?
2. you're so right. and once we've had a few days of it we can start complaining that it's too much.
3. how're you taking care of your starter? can i have some?
4. i actually haven't, but i've heard just so much about it. should i start?

if the stakes are that high, i'll ask rupert tomorrow. i can't be held responsible for something as serious as dashing your hopes for love.

I'm not laughing, I promise. Is it the one with the cute little cat on the cover? That feels like you. Clearly, I'm at a gunfight with a knife. You might've out-small-talked me. Briefly: hell yeah, where'd the sun go, absolutely and no. Nothing will outdo the version you've created in your mind. Never fear, they've long since been dashed to ribbons. But I'm curious what he'll say. He healing up okay too?

it was literally called amazing amy, but now i'm wishing it had been about a little cat, instead.

at least the gunfight's stakes are low by definition. and it's not really the kind of thing you can brag about without sounding insane, anyway.

oh, don't say that, you'll break my heart.
he's doing alright, though. still a little wobbly, but alright.

I propose that "Amazing Amy" is an excellent name for a series about a little cat. One that has adventures in NYC, maybe. Fights pigeons. I fear you underestimate my ability to brag. Perceptions of my sanity aren't any of my business, but I need people to know when I win something. Nah, it's no biggie. I'm a sad old man, but I'm endlessly charming and attractive, so it all evens out. Good. Seems like a good guy.

you know, i think you're right. it's sort of batman-esque, even, if you think of the pigeons like a collective joker.

is that what the guitar playing was all about? or something else?

and let's not throw around words like "old" just because half of the house is made up of teenagers, even if i'll be extraordinarily generous and let your self-assessment of your charm and attractiveness slide. though now i'm wondering if we're not missing something by throwing a party solely for the 30+ crowd.

I am, in fact, thinking of the pigeons as a collective Joker and I'm quite frankly terrified at the concept. Thank you for the nightmares. Nah, that was just showing off. And I like playing. Haven't had a lot of down time lately, y'know? Thank god, I thought I was the only one thrown off by that. The house is wildly slanted towards the 21 club, and even that's generous. Not opposed to a 30+ party where we all take ibuprofen and go to bed at 8:30pm.

just one step removed from a rat king!
sorry, is that worse?

and i get it. between all the horrors and the sex, who has time for hobbies?

maybe we give it a shot if this reality show business ever wraps up?
ibuprofen and edibles on offer, show a movie that wasn't made in the last 5 years, put out some puzzles and board games, and kick everyone out by 8:30?

If a sentence starts with “is a rat king worse than”, the answer is always yes. No matter what the last thing is. The rat king. Is always worse. Sometimes the horrors and the sex overlap, but even still. Can’t even take up tennis with a schedule like this.

[the thought is – oddly bracing, like sipping something warm in a blizzard. somewhere on the other end of the line, corry’s grinning.] Joplin, you had me at “ibuprofen and edibles”. Can we watch “Clue”? I fucking love that movie.

i'm putting clue on my calendar.

[ Something to look forward to, ostensibly. ]

you know, i wouldn't have taken you for the clue type.
bridget jones' diary, maybe.

I've reached calendar status? I'm deeply honored. Hope I get a little indicative emoji, eventually. I strike you as a romcom guy? I'm flattered. I do enjoy looking at Hugh and Colin wrestling in a fountain, it must be said. Zellweger's not really my type, though.

do you have a favorite emoji?
if it's a good one, i'll think about it.

ooh, note taken.
not into blondes. 😉

Always been a fan of 😏 He seems like a fun kinda guy. Sorta fella you invite to parties. BRITISH blondes. Incredibly important distinction.

he looks a little smug to me, but i'm willing to keep an open mind.

nice save, though. i'll give you points for that.

I'm willing to bet actual money that's exactly what you said about me after we met. No offense to Ms. Zellweger, of course, but she's nowhere near your level, Joplin.

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@molloy

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cw casual drug use mention

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